-=| I made it..... |=-
hmmmm...... have been quiet on sat...... i dunno wad to say......dunno wad to tell Babara...... See her n Wei siang...... is like drinking bottles of venigar...... lotsa venigar...... even when i was sitting next to Babara during the MAD session..... i dunno wad to tell her...... bcoze Weisiang was staring at her...... n some sort of a stuck on her.....hmmmmmm....... n we were in the same group 4 makin the chopstick structures...... n when Auntie Pek Yee broke his group up..... he was so happy n eager to come over to the group......wahhaz.... see his face like rushin 4 gold like he has not seen it b4........ he came over...... n set between me n babara........ i was like....... ok....... relax.......although i noe nuthin is between them....... i feel tat he is "interested in her" n is over protecive...... and when the Jabez group were throwing those loose chopsticks at the structures...... n ours didn't drop..... he was so proud..... n say "ni can.... wo men the shi bu hui dao de....".....i feel so irritated......ours really fell in the end......
Today i was workin in the office again..... typing stakes n stakes of invoices..... so scary..... so much to do...... i started at 10 finished at 4...... wahhaz..... so shiong....... then tommorrow dun need to go to work..... as i have finished alot.....
I was thinkin...... Babara's paper endz 2morrow.....i was thinking of meeting up wif her..... so fun goin out wif her..... can noe so much more abt her...... i feel tat it is very interesting to noe her...... i dunno how to explain...... but i feel very happy tokin wif her...... i dunno abt her........
Was quite disapointed tat she cannot make it tommorrow.... as she has already been asked out by her friends..... i ask her wad abt tommorrow..... she said she would see abt tat...... she said she would confirm wif me tommorrow..... i asked her where does she wanna go.... JE or bugis..... i noe she has been to bugis 4 many times... n im sure she is quite sian...... she said wanna so swinging..... i was thinking if she was writing in slurrs.... so i tod she was thinking of singing..... so i reply to her...u wanna go kbox sing huh..... she was lol.... then i ask her was is swinging.... n i say izzit sit on a swing..... she say yup... then i finally understand..... hmmm.... i wonder where is the swing..... should be quite nice..... she say got 4 summore.....hmmm..... im waiting 4 her ans patiently.......
Hmm.... then online i saw sean..... i was tellin him lotsa stuff.... from me to my sis.... to Christopher..... hmm..... i dunno why am i telling him so much stuff...... im really really worried if i were to empty my bottle on to him.....it would be spread all over the EARTH..... so far i have not heard any rumours yet.....
As ALL the topics r top secret..... some onli i noe..... some onli me n my sis.....hmmm.... im sure to be dead or counted as untrust worthy if everything is out..... should i juz keep sum stuff to myself...... im really in dead meat if sumthins out..... wad shall i do...... even this blogspot can be read b him..... should i juz set up another blogspot... n figure stuff out by myself?????......hmmmm....... he says i can trust him...... n im worrying 4 nuthin ..... wad should i do...... is he realy sent by God..... to help me??? i wonder..... Even my BIBLE STUDY teacher dunno as much as he does..... i feel tat the older generation doesn't really understand the life of a teenager..... they say they do..... they say they understand..... but it was inthe good old days where life is not so complicated...... they say stuff like a skool is a place to study n learnt... there is no such thing as politics in class..... but there r..... plenty of it..... n they dun understand.... thinking studies is very easy..... juz complain to the teacher.... n the stuff is resolved...... stuff r not so simplified nowadays...... some times i ask myself wad am i doin here on earth..... if i wasn't born.... i would not need to suffer all these sufferings....life on earth is study till u reach workin age.... then work until retire....retire then enjoy life... n then die...... n the bible teacher usually say stuff like we r here 4 a reason...... the reason is to win souls to Christ n stuff..... but as 4 me my self... my faith is not strong..... n there is a big question mark..... the week b4 last week...... gary was askin if anyone was ready to be babtised.... to be willing to give their life's to Jesus..... and Babara n the other guy who is Boonleong's friend stood up...... when i went up to Babara .... i asked her when is she gettin babtised... she said tat she is not ready...... so im really worried...... does people stand up 4 the sake of it...... or they really mean it..... or sum peepz r ready but dun dare to stand up 4 it.....
Below is a message i found in friendster..... sayin how a gal feel abt guys...
**Don't say you love me unless you really mean
it, because i might do something really stupid
like believe it**
**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk
beside me and be my equal**
**If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to
be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to
live without you**
**If you love me, please let me know because it
hurts to love when you have to go. Take care of
me, don't go away because if you love me, you
will stay... i love you and do you know
why? "You got me when you first said 'Hi'."**
**Don't be too good i will miss you. don't be
too caring, i might like you. Don't be too
sweet, I might fall. It's hard for me to love
you when you won't love me after all...**
**You make me smile for no reason whatsoever,
you make me laugh at the unfunniest things, but
most of all, you make me love you When I
shouldn't be loving you**
**I dropped a tear in the ocean today, and when
i find it, that's when i'll stop loving you..**
**"One day you'll love me as I have loved you.
One day you'll cry as I cried for you. One day
you'll want me...and I won't want you.**
**One night the moon looked down at me and
said:"Would you give up ur "Prince" if he made
you cry? I looked up at the moon and say:" Would
you give up your sky?"**
**If I had the letters "HRT" and I could
add "EA" and get "HEART" or add "U" and
get "HURT", I'd rather have "U" and get "HURT"
than have a "HEART" without "U"*-
*There are only 2 times I wanna be with
you...now & forever*
J O E| 11:16 PM |
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-=| Thinkin 4 a while |=-
Today i saw Truddy n Tricia very confindently say tat they r ready... n want to get babtised bcoze of the calling..... i was like wow..... but i still have a doubt....... is it worth it..... observing the sabbbath.... restricting myself....many more rulez n stuff..... being judged by older peepz.... like muz be decent...... cannot do this... cannot do tat..... like why muz i go through all this trouble......
And i heard Edwin's testimonial.... he says sumthin like being a Christian doesn't mean we muz be perfect all the way...... that means we can still sin...... n God would forgive us...???
There r lotsa cool stuff tat we dunno of..... like clubbing n other stuff.... although the adults refer it as a bad life style.... but it's nice...... Mrs white said sumthin like move away from the cities as we might be influenced..... dun be worldly..... Does Christianity mean to suffer? Cannot do this cannot do tat.... make us sound, look, act weird..... it's against the flow of the world...... and expect us to win souls? Many would be back slided..... and wad is left is juz a few percent.....
J O E| 11:59 PM |
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-=| Today dun need to work....... |=-
Yay i today dun need to work...... i slep till 10++...... wahhaz...... so nice.....
2morrow is Truddy n Tricia's babtising date...... juz now wrapping presents 4 them..... sigh..... im rushing actually...... now 3:30.....have to bathe.... go tuition..... go cell..... then come home...... muz rush........ i still havn't wrap Tricia's present.....
On the MRT..... i was thinking over abt babtism...... here Truddy n Tricia r gettin babtised...... and when am i getting in the pool...... My parrents r comparing me wif my friendz like...... "Oh Amos is babtised last week u noe...... when r u gettin babtised???" ..."Is Mingsheng babtised? Oh he is? why r u not babtised?".....
I feel very preasured to be babtised....... it's like sum sort of a peer preasure thingy...... i feel tat im not ready...... but my bible teacher says tat im ready.... im planning to dye my hair n stuff after the Os.....n maybe bcome a DJ in some radio station?? hmm it soundz worldly rite..... and there r many stuff tat a teenager wants to explore....like a club...... and have fun.... u might think im havoc... but this is the real me..... n no matter wad u cannot change me......
when i was young... i feel very frustrated....cannot watch tv on fri nite n sat..... cannot wear T-shirts like normal adventist children do.... must wear a shirt..... the shirt must tuck in.... muz wear this mus wear tat.... like a doll.... being dressed up by their owners.....
I feel tat it was a drag to go church(especially during 10-12) bcoze it's a day which is not myself..... everythin is being arranged by my parrents... onli after tat.... they careless on my clothes..... onli ever since then i was acting abit of a poser..... gel hair until spiky spiky..... all the church members commented on it..... then many more.....(i feel tat i went to this extend maybe bcoze im usually bossed around during my childhood years..... in pri skool....im being pushed around..... being mocked at... disturbed....and so maybe i juz wanted to be cool 4 a while....)
I feel tat in church(TCH) there r many bitches around..... they go around tokin abt why did this person do this n tat.... i hate being judged.... y can't anyone be special n unique...?
So maybe tats the reason why im so havoc...... or maybe as wad they say happening.....
J O E| 3:31 PM |
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-=| Ive slow down.... |=-
i was listening to Wang YiDa's muzic today while doin my work...... it's classified under soft rock...... my work had slowed down by abit... hmm... tat proves tat techno wif fast beat.... can help me do stuff faster.....hmmm..... where soft rock.... slows my speed down abit.....
i finished my work b4 lunch again.....yay.......i tod of askin Babara out again.... but i feel tat she is juz too bz... n dun wanna disturb her....hmmm.... or maybe she is avoiding me......hmmmmm.... is she playin hard to get????? hmmm i wonder......
So bored... nuthin to do.......finished my work in 3 hrs..... earned $15.....yay......
After listening to YiDa 4 a while..... i have a certain urge to write a song ahhaz...... seems abit lame yeah......
sigh.... stupid me...... yesterday i was thinking of how to modify the home page...... then i go ask Sean......sigh...... stupid stupid me...... im sure he should be reading this........ sigh...... anywayz wadz done is done. Aniwayz he said he is gonna help me wif Babara..... *help me in wad sense*.......n i ask him..... he say dunno..... wad a good ans......
Hmmmmm...... if the incident is out...... i dunno where to hide my face..... hmmmmmm..... maybe i follow Kaylene la...... leave church n bcome free thinker......ahhaz... aniwayz im not babtised....wad can they say........sigh.......
I actually planned this site to be my let out box...... im a guy who likes to bottle things up...... i used to let it out to Pearlene(Kaylene's sis) ...... who used to be my very good friend..... closer then my sister...... i tell her my stuff..... n she tells me her stuff...... everyday on the way home on the mrt r our sharing....... we tell each other abt our problems...... n it is interesting to know wad r we goin through..... im a unclosable radio....... it will be on all the way from skool till home....... ahhaz..... but now she is not in the same skool..... n we drift far apart now...... i recently met her(last fri).... she looked different.... long hair n all changed...... but i can still feel tat she is still the same inside..... she is still thinking too much abt peepz around her...... still caring...... but we have the lifes of our own...... sigh..... time flies very quickly...... and im gettin older each day.......
Now im wondering....... does pearlene still like me? or does her sis Kaylene like me...... does Babara like me? or all of them treat me as normal friendz..... sigh.... wad is this world turning into........ im dying of being in suspense.......
Can sumbody save me.........
Has God send me Sean...... is he the sumbody who can save me? i wonder.......
Thinking of tommorrow..... it's the day the results 4 the mid year would come out..... i think i would be skinned alive..... im goin to die....... still thinking of entering Mass Com...... i think it would be far away...... im dying in pain.......
Emotion pain...... heart pain......head ache........every where ache...... sigh......
J O E| 9:44 PM |
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-=| YAY.... a good acomplishment..... |=-
Yay..... i finished my invoices wif 2 hrz.....ahhaz.... so happy..... muz be the techno muzic im listening 2....ahhaz....=D.....
I had a delicious lunch of spegetti n minced chicken...... wahha.... sprinkled wif shreded cheese..... the sweet aroma of the sauce brings out the real flavour of the spegetti..... with juz a bite.... the flavour of the chicken rushes onto my taste budz on my toungue..... so shiock the feeling.....thankz to my 3rd aunt(Peiling's mum)....
I asked Babara out again..... i think she is avoiding me.... sigh.... i shouldn't have asked her so early..... ive got a feeling tat we won't get together again... sigh.... does she like me a little??? or does she like another guy???? Or maybe im thinking too much... she wants to concentrate on her studies.....i wonder????
Im still thinking of how to let her noe more abt me.... n more abt her..... sigh..... i think she is juz terrified abt me..... did i scare her..... opppz.... im in deep shit..... curse it on my impatientness..... i hate it.... sum peepz still say ive got patients.... sigh... maybe tats onli in Arts & Craft.....
Sumbody save me.......im dying of heart ache..... can she tell me wheather i do still have a chance?? or maybe she juz dun wanna hurt me...... but im now still in suspence..... sigh....and i wonder.......
J O E| 10:29 PM |
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-=| Slackin |=-
i bought Avril larvaign's 1st n 2nd disc( today juz came out....waha so happy)... so nice... i got the Wang YiDa newest CD too.. wah so shiock...
I received a call today..... i dun need to go work.... wad a good time 4 me to rest...ahhaz.... i slept till 11++ ...wahhaz so shiock.....
Asked Babara out..... didn't work out...... she said tat her friend asked her out tat day... n she is havin a bible study later on.... sigh.... missed another chance to tok n know more abt her.....
I called Kaylene.... 2 see if she was free to do henna(she wants me to help her to do tat).... sigh... n she has to clean her house..... so bored at home......
Later on during the afternoon... was chattin wif Babara..... ahhaz... chat all the boliao stuff.... sigh nuthin to tok abt..... dunno her much.... dun dare to ask too much..... scarlly kanna punch(Bish) by her.....
Slackin at home all day..... Kana scolded bcoz never do stuff tat i need to do..... sigh so sian sia......
J O E| 10:46 PM |
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-=| Im FaT....=C |=-
Sigh.... i woke up n realised tat i have a pot belly..... curse it on the food i ate yesterday...hmp..... sigh... muz start to lose those unwanted fats again...... Oh Man.... i shouldn't have forced myself to eat all the food.... but the food was juz too nice.......sigh.... wad a sinful delight..... curse it on all food.....
I was workin in Uncle Mike's(Peiling's father) office today.....i was typing all the invoices n i found tat there were some very nice Techno CD..... ahhaz sound so nice.... n i played them on my Disk man.... waha.... the production rate of the typing is faster then ever...ahhaz... i finished the whole stack tat he gave me.... so happy....'_'V.... YAY!
J O E| 10:06 PM |
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-=| WaH bUfFeT.....=D |=-
Sigh.... i 4got to write my blog yesterday..... i went to Peiling's (cousin) house n was planning to go to Orchard road's Mandrin hotel 4 lunch...... had a short swim.... then i went to the toilet the bathe n change..... n i realised tat i 4got to bring a new pair of underwear..... i was like oh no...... n i wore my swimming trunks to Peiling's house..... i was franticing in the toilet....n a idea struck me in the toilet... of wearing my wet swimming trunks again..... it 4got to squeeze out the water in the trunks..... n i wore it..... it seemz ok.... but it made my pants n shirt wet..... here came Stanley(Peiling's mathernal cousin) he came to hurry me out to have lunch..... i was like "okok... comin out".......when i went 4 the buffet....wow so much food.... n when i got up of my seat my seat was.... wet..... i felt so embaressed..... sigh... i should have squeesed the trunks..... but i ate many stuff.... from Nasi byani.... to...... rojak.... and then....ice kachang.... and many more..... i had abt 5-6 plates full of stuff come to think of it.... ahhaz until nothing could enter my gullet.... it was stuffed packed down my mouth.... ahhaz.... at least i could walk..... then Aunty Karen( Stanley's mum) wanted to change her car..... and we saw many cars... we were WAH!!!!..... all the cars r so unique in their own wayz..... but their prices r quite unque too...ahhaz.....
After tat i went to Peiling's house to play wif henna.....ahhaz draw all over... on her leg.... n mine .... i drew on my handz too...ahhaz... so fun.....play play n more play.....
J O E| 9:22 PM |
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-=| She turned me down... |=-
hmm.... i feel tat this few weekz stuff have been happening in a orderly manner.....
Like on may 14th(fri) i was supposed to meet Kaylene after my Exam paper... i was supposed to meet her at 10am.... n she over slept.... i waited 4 her 4 1hr..... was supposed to be her manicure model 4 her mani~ exam....ahhaz sound girlly huh...ahhaz... aniwayz .... we went 2 her school ... n her school is fully booked..... i realised tat she didn't call ...oh man... so we went back to yishun to her house to do medicure... she juz shape it n stuff.... ahhaz.... so fun..... then she said lets meet another day 4 menicure.....so i was thinking lets meet this thursday since it is goin to be free..... n she said ok.....
Through the week mon n tues i was preparing to ask Babara tat 5 word question(can u be my stead?)..... i was gettin necklaces n ring n stuff..... then on may 18[wed](last day of examz) She told me tat she cannot go out on 19th of may..... i was like.... oh man.... all my efford wasted.....but nvm..... on may 19th i was like as usual chattin on the msn..... then i saw mel(one of my heart pourer..... i ask her 4 advices)..... then i ask her should i ask tat 5 worded question online.... as i cannot meet her.....she said go a head n ask...... i pondered 4 a while.... as we onli started to tok frequently 4 onli a month.... but i went ahead to ask her.... her reply was huh???.... i was like oh no..... then i joked wif her n said no lah ju joking..... n she was "=p" away..... so i tod she was ok.... then i told mell abt tat..... she said tat i should have went all the way.....feeling abit regretful.... i asked her the whole question again.... n she was like .... huh????..... n i tell her abt the whole thing.... n she had no replies... i was like so frightened..... so i explained to her saying tat if u cannot accept it... then lets continue to be friend n stuff.... n im glad she understood..... she was back to normal again(i hope)..... so i wad thinking of avoiding her this sat(at church)....
After the whole thing i received a phone call from my 3rd uncle... he said he need help wif his invoices... so i was thinking cool.... so i agreed..... i spent all afternoon typing the invoices.... n i earned $10..... ahhaz so fun
on thursday[should meet up Kaylene] then we canceled the meeting bcoze of work....n wanted to meet up on sat.... i actually wanted to skip church 4 a week..... to hide away from Babara... n to help out wif Kaylene.....ahha... wad a good plan... but it did not work out..... Kaylene's mum took off n she is goin out wif her mum... n the meeting would be canceled..... sigh... so i went to church..... i didn't see her in sabbath school... she came during the worship service.... i saw tat she has a guy friend wif her.... my heart kinda broke..... dunno why oso... my nose kept sneasing.... sigh.... so right after service i went n meet up my mum..... i took the MRT,through the MRT journey.... i kept thinking to myself...... who is tat guy..... why did she bring him to church... is he her bf? i felt so sour inside..... like there was lemon juice over the wounded heart.... oh man the feeling......
while waiting 4 my mum... i tod abt mel... i smsed her..... abt my problem..... n she kinda comforted me n stuff.... ahha... she sems to be my "doc"..... sum sort of tells me n comforts me alot.....
when i reached Yanwei's house (cousin's house) i was chatting on the msn...... =S.... n she came online..... i chated wif her....... n i asked if he was her bf.... she said he was not...... n i realised tat her ans r gettin shorter n shorter n i am so worried..... sigh...... would anything work out between us?????????
i was on friendster..... n i saw this posting by Babara...... the heading was "What would u do when u r down...?"
And she wrote.....
NaMe:°£oll¥pöP° aka *s.h.a.t.t.e.r.e.d*
MmMmMz..cry[cry myself 2 slp].eat lo+sa
ch0c0LaTes*.t0k 2 my frieNdS.stuff myself wif
lo+sa ic3-cr3aM*.LiSteN 2 Ji3 LuN dE
gE.p0Nder.haizz...
And i wrote.....
Name: Joel
i was juz down afew hours ago..... im still
down.... im now drowning myself wif lemon tea....
listening to techno as it brings my adrenaline
level up..... im reasoning out wif myself like
why am i sad..... and i used to bottle stuff
in..... but dunno why today i ask my friend abt
wad should i do.....sigh.....why did tis happen
to me.....
so u see..... things happen right after one another..... i wonder if thease r pure coinsidence...... or there is sum one behind it....... is it God which is helping me..... telling me not to ge into a relationship at a unstable condition...... n nomatter how i muz go to church?????? ahhaz... i wonder......=b
J O E| 5:52 PM |
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-=| Heya... |=-
Hi it's my first day writing...ahhaz...so happy.... hope tat u guy would continue to support me n continue reading....ahha.....cya.....=b
B!0
Name : Joel Xiang Desheng P3RS0N@L!TY T@g W!SH3S 3M@!l CURR3NT M00D W3@TH3R F00T PR!NTS !N 3 S@nd R@D!0 ST@T!0NS P@ST R3CORDS L!NKS
DOB : 19th May 1988
Age : 19+
Height : 1.73++m
Weight : Abt 60kg
Zodiac : Dragon
Horroscope : Taurus
